


In my mind

by Skepsis_Ree



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: F/F, First Person, introspective, longing and loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:40:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23916925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skepsis_Ree/pseuds/Skepsis_Ree
Summary: A short piece to go along with Carla's/@ Cluque95 (on twitter) art. I saw it and it inspired my writing.First-person Catra thinking to herself about times passed with Adora and how things are now. How things were supposed to go and how everything changed when Adora became She-Ra. Confessions and how Catra wishes it wasIt's obviously not a healthy way of thinking on Catra's part and I wanted it to resemble a person that stayed behind in an abusive household (or something of that nature) and having a bitterness that they do not fully understand towards the person that "got out".I love Catra.
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	In my mind

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Catradora](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/613798) by Carla. 



In my mind you love me. I think of the times we spent together as children as we walked through the sterile, dark hallways of the Horde. I think of the click of your boots on the metal floor and the sound of soldiers walking by us.  
I remember fondly the days of hide-and-seek that you so cleverly convinced Shadow Weaver was a good use of our time. Training. Finding our hidden enemies while also teaching us stealth. I remember brimming with pride and glee that she begrudgingly agreed. I think of it now with salt in my mouth, the bad taste that you could get away with anything. The good girl, the one that knows how to play by the rules.

Why was I the outlier? I stayed. I took what we were taught and put it to good use; learned from my mistakes and stayed where power, success, and certainty were clear. How come, that when you left, everything good about the Horde left with you?

All our dreams were just coming true. We were going to take on the world together; anything was possible with you by my side. I was fine playing second fiddle if it was to you. Thank goodness you left; it opened my eyes. But nothing changed. I’m still second.

I’m better than you at fighting, commanding, leading, working—everything that’s important. I don’t need to be blessed by some kind of sword to be able to succeed in life. I worked for what I have, I worked, and I got better out of my own will; not the will of Princesses and Magic.

That was the thing, wasn’t it? Everyone is so dependent on the supernatural and ignore the natural. You, you used to be just like me: normal and hard working. Everything we did was earned, but now… you’re everything but normal.

In my mind you love me. You still think about me and ask to be around me. Like I’m some kind of friend that you can’t live without. Not a matter of _me_ coming with _you_ , but _you_ coming home. I wouldn’t take you if you tried. Not that you’ve ever tried. I’m no crybaby, no complainer, but I do wish you cared.

You left. I stayed. And both everything and nothing changed because of it. The pressure I used to handle with my head held high, and you by my side suddenly became unbearable. The stress of success looming over my head and everything kept tumbling apart. You, with your Princesses and people you call friends that you’ve known for days, weeks, and months. And me, the person you’ve known since childhood left behind. You left, and I stayed, and I won’t forgive you for that.

In my mind, I had enough courage to tell you to stay. To convince you that you’d made a mistake and for you to listen without question. That She-Ra was nothing, but a nightmare, and we still lived in six by three-inch metal boxes—just big enough to sleep. We shared the bunk, and you never minded when I’d crawl down to sleep with you. Best friends, best Horde Soldiers, best everything while we were together.

That promotion was going to be the start of everything for us. Force Captain. You were going to get your own room with your promotion; a sterile, metal box that had enough room for a bed and a desk. And I had planned to be in there with you, as constantly as possible. You would allow it, and I would visit; this was the plan. It would be us against the world; we would spend late nights and early mornings together—the same as we always did. But this time… this time…. I was waiting for this to set the wheels of our relationship in motion. We’d bridge that gap between friendship and something more without having the Horde privy to our private affairs.

I didn’t mind playing second fiddle if it was to you.

That metal can was to be the separator between us and the masses. Friends and acquaintances that I cared little about in light of you. As long as I had you. We would sit on the bed and I’d finally say it to you. I’d finally say it because I know in my head that you would have said it too. And that would have been it. We would have grown closer because of it, and we’d never look back. You’d let me sleep in your bed and hands pressed to skin and lips pressed to lips we’d be inseparable.

But you had to go and change everything. You had to go and leave me behind.

And now I watch as you stand eight-feet-tall, holier than thou and acting as if you know best. When you left. When you changed everything good about my life. I won’t worship at the altar of the supernatural and the special. I want hard work, dedication, and normal.

You used to be just like me.

When you stand there, clad in white and glowing, my stomach turns. Anger and betrayal briny in my throat as I watch you frolic with strangers. Sometimes, just sometimes though I think about the person under it all. The person I knew to be Adora with her smart mouth, and her good-girl attitude. I think about her and watch this Princess standing in her place and I hear you admitting you were wrong. And I forgive you. And you come home; come back to me. And we can embrace, and that power and righteousness leaves you and you become just like me again. Normal. You tell me exactly what I want to hear and we can go back to living in a small metal box with everything that we need inside one another.

But that’s not how it is, is it? That’s not something you want, or that you will ever do. You’re powerful now and everyone wants you so you can’t be like me ever again. You aren’t coming home.  
In my mind I love you.

**Author's Note:**

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